This has to be the number one asked question from the day we got married. As soon as Ezra and I started dating, the question was ‘When are you getting engaged?’ once engaged, ‘When are you getting married?’ and once married 'When are you having kids?’ Now don’t worry I’m in no way offended by these questions or think people should ‘mind their own business’ because hey, I’m guilty of asking so many friends and family the exact same question. It shows our excitement for people and that we care about their future.
But why does it always have to be about what’s coming next? No wonder it’s getting harder and harder to find people who are just satisfied with where they are at, because there is so much pressure towards what the future holds. And yes of course, dream for the future, be working towards goals, but let’s all try and give each other a break with the pressure of ‘what’s next’ and try to enjoy the stage of life we are in. Let's celebrate the now! How refreshing would that be?
The whole reason I’m bringing this up is because I need some help. The ‘excuses’ Ezra and I have been giving when people ask about kids are slowly running out... When we first got married, our staple answer was ‘In a couple of years’. But we both realised that a couple years goes really quickly! We weren’t ready for kids yet, so we decided to just say for the next couple of years ‘in a couple of years’ all over again.
Being a christian and married for 4 years with no kids is close to unheard of, so our ‘in a couple of years’ slogan was definitely wearing off. Our next thing then became travel. And this was a legitimate reason for us. We have so many friends who had kids early on in marriage, and when we asked for marriage advice we would often be told “We love our kids, but if we could do it differently we probably would have travelled more before having kids.” Apparently travelling with kids is a little different to just travelling the two of you. So that was our next goal.
We travelled to India, Hawaii, Thailand, England, Italy, France, Israel, Egypt, Turkey, and just got back from Kenya and Uganda. We love to travel! I would say I probably love it a little more than Ezra does. He loves it while we are there, but he’s always ready to come home by the last few days. Me on the other hand I wish I could holiday forever. Ok maybe not forever, but pretty close.
So anyway, now that we have travelled so much, and people know that was our ‘excuse’ for not having kids yet, there really isn’t much else to answer when people say ‘When are you having kids’. And so my question through all of this is - what the heck are you meant to answer when you’ve got nothing left to use as an ‘excuse'?
If we were trying to have kids, do I say “Oh yeah we are trying right now - I’ll keep you posted?” or are you just meant to make up more and more excuses until one day BOOM you’re pregnant? It’s a question I think people ask, expecting an excuse as to why not. But if you were actually to genuinely answer them, it could be quite an awkward conversation.
I really don’t have an answer as to when we are having kids, as we are still enjoying travel for now. And I can’t wait to become a mum some day, but I also just want to focus on enjoying the stage of life we are in.
So if anyone can help me out - I’d love to know what you’re meant to say when someone asks, or maybe what kind of an answer you’re looking for? And again, I’m in no way offended by the question, it shows people love us and care about our future. I’m just genuinely stuck on an answer. I think I’ll just stick with ‘soon’ for now which could mean tomorrow, or it could mean a few years from now - I guess I’ll keep you posted :)