Ezra and I are both naturally very competitive people. And on that, neither of us particularly like losing - it pretty much goes with the territory. Now I know there's the saying that 'the woman is always right' but for me personally (and very frustratingly) a lot of the time, Ezra can be right. And when he is right, I usually see that as me being wrong. Which technically means 'I lose'.
So on the occasion that I actually am 'right' I end up feeling quite good about myself and may or may not rub it in, because I'm so proud of myself for being right. I know I know, what a bad wife and bad way of thinking, but don't worry I am working on it. Now I may just smile a little bit on the inside, but try not to make a point of rubbing things in out loud. Baby steps, baby steps.
Ezra and I have definitely had the conversation that when it comes to communication and different opinions within marriage, it's the one time it shouldn't be about winning and losing. And I certainly shouldn't be celebrating my husband's loss (sorry Ez). When you're in any relationship, it's great to have fun, be competitive with each other in certain areas, but when it comes to strengthening your marriage and trying to work things through, it really shouldn't be about 'who's right or wrong' but rather, 'how can we both win and learn from this situation?'
Fawn Weaver sums it up perfectly: "In marriage, there is no such thing as one winning and one losing. Either both will win or both will lose. It's an either/or proposition. You can choose to be right or choose to be happy, but rarely both."
This is so true! The times I think I have 'won' the argument, I'm the only one feeling good or happy about it, and that leaves Ezra feeling...not so great. And equally when I feel like Ezra has 'won' the conversation, and I have by default 'lost' I'm not exactly happy about it. But we shouldn't be fighting against each other, we should be fighting together to work out a way to do things better. Our aim should be to make each other happy, not prove a point and try to be right all of the time.
So the next time you're having a disagreement with your partner, try to have in the back of your mind, how can we both win from this situation? Regardless of whether I'm right or wrong, what can I learn and how can we both leave being happy, rather than being right?