Controversial topic, I know!! When is it OK to lie? The correct answer should probably be never, but unfortunately it's not the case in a world where we rarely want to hear the truth...
"Does my butt look big in this?" "Did I play well today?" "How do I look?" "Are the bags under my eyes that noticeable?" "Do you want to go to my parents for dinner?"
And just to be clear these are general examples, not relating to us in any way... well not all of them anyway. Before I dig myself into a hole, let me continue. I personally think I'm a very honest person, probably too honest at times. I have learnt in my time, I need to work on focusing on the positives, rather than be flat out honest with the negatives. That way everybody wins. I have also learnt a great skill in not lying, but not necessarily answering the question fully. According to Ezra 'absence of the truth is a lie' but I'm not 100% convinced.
Let me give you a complete, made up example that's never happened before..
We are running extremely late for something, and I still can't decide what to wear. As I put on a dress that's super comfy but is not the most flattering, I say to Ezra:
J: Does this look alright, or should I put on the other dress. The other dress probably looks better but it's so tight and uncomfortable and I can't be bothered wearing it. E: Babe you are beautiful. Wear what you have on, we are running late and need to go. J: But which one is better? Be honest. E: You look amazing in both of them, just wear what you have on. J: Dang it, I need to wear the other one don't I? This one's not nice enough. Ok I'm changing. E: Why do you bother asking if you make up your own mind any way?
OK I'm getting way too side tracked on a story that 'never happens' to us... So the main part I want to point out is when I asked Ezra, "Does this look alright?" He answers by saying "You are beautiful". That's what every girl wants to hear right? That they look beautiful... but he didn't really answer the question. I was more asking 'At this moment in time, in the dress I am wearing, how do I look?' and he answered with a generic statement that 'I am beautiful' - what a little ratbag! Haha joking but can you see how it works. Now if I did look absolutely horrible and the dress wasn't flattering and my hair was greasy, and he decided to be honest and tell me all those things, I probably wouldn't leave the house. It's a much safer bet for me to be annoyed at the fact he said a generic 'you are beautiful' and didn't actually answer the question, rather than me being depressed because my husband thinks I look terrible.
So I'm not telling you to lie to your partners, and I'm not telling you to tell them the truth when you can see their love handles squishing out of their jeans.. seriously! I mean if that's how you wanna roll you may find yourself sleeping on the couch, but go for it. In a world where there is so much negativity and insecurities on looks and appearances, find the positives. Try not to make it too obvious you are completely avoiding a question: eg. "How does my hair look?" "Babe you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen!"
You can do better than that (I hope) but find a way to tell the truth, and not necessarily lie, but find a positive in a situation rather than flat out saying "Your outfit is a mess." And if your partner does look 'a mess' then give suggestions in a positive light eg. I love how good you look in your black jeans and denim jacket, why don't you wear that if you're unsure about what you're wearing?" #nailedit
I'll leave you with a quote from Ps. Shane Willard which is to 'Be specific with the positive, and generalise the negative.' There will always be negatives and positives, ups and downs, good days and bad days, but if we can find ways to lift people up and make them feel better about themselves, always aim to go above and beyond with the positives, and generalise any negatives - if you have to go there.