InterviewsJo Boots

Steve & Candace

InterviewsJo Boots
Steve & Candace

How long have you been together for?C: Together since December 6, 2008. S: We’ve been married for 6 years now and together 7 1/2 years.

SAM_0167

How did you meet? S: We me at a friend's birthday dinner. I rocked up late and walked in and was like ‘Woah, who’s this girl?’ We ended up sitting opposite each other. C: So I didn’t have a choice but to kind of…look at him. My sister and a girlfriend were there, and both knew the kind of guys I was into and were signalling for me to look at Steve. And I was like 'I can see him, I'm not crazy!' I wasn't that interested at the time though as I had just come out of a long term relationship.

Steve were you interested? S: Straight away! We had a few discussions over the table, but she had to leave early, but the next day she added me on Facebook. C: So he says that I made the first move. But the truth is… S: She definitely did. C: I don’t count that as a move. Really.. S: I was definitely interested but she made the first move. We had a bit of a chat on Facebook, she was playing a bit hard to get, so I had to wait for like a month and a half or something. Then we met at the Spanish Latin Festival on Johnston St. C: But in the mean time… S: In the mean time I was stalking her on Facebook, on her website.. C: He copied a picture from my website and put it as his desktop at work! S: Just to focus. Boom! It worked didn’t it? C: But I didn’t know this until after, obviously. S: And I saved her number from the website in my phone. C: Yep! S: She was a Colour/Image Consultant, so I thought when I can afford it, I’ll go see her. So we finally went to the Spanish Festival with mutual friends and as we were just walking, talking, I was like ‘Oh yeah, so you do that image consulting stuff? What would you charge me for a 24 hour consult?’ Hahaha. C: He couldn’t afford it. S: Within the next 2 weeks we knew that we liked each other, I went to a few dance lessons with her because at the Festival she was teaching me a bit of salsa. But I struggled because she took me to intermediate classes, I was like ‘Man I’m going to have to do my own classes.' So once we were kind of together, I started doing beginner classes. But yeah within 2 weeks it was going too fast, we knew we both liked each other, we just knew, and were even thinking of marriage. So we went for a week where we didn’t talk to each other, we just prayed about it, then after that I proposed and 10 months after that we go married, then 18 months after that we moved to London. C: And then we came home to start a family, and here we are.

SAM_0185

So was there a point in the relationship you both knew 100% that you were going to get married? C: Well within 2 weeks of phone conversations, it was like we had been dating for six months. S: We just felt like we were being fast tracked. C: Yeah. We were really fast tracked and thought, this is getting serious, and there’s nothing wrong with it but is this God or not? So we just pressed the pause button for a week and then the week fell on his birthday. So I went to his birthday with my best friend, and then that night he kissed me. And from then on, it was on! As in there was no turning back haha. S: Yeah we hardly even saw each other much one on one before that. It was just the dance classes, and then talking on the phone. We both just knew what we wanted. C: And I said to him the next guy I kiss I’m marrying, like I’m not wasting any more time. S: I was in the same space. I was 25 or 26, somewhere there. C: You turned 26. S: Oh yeah I turned 26 the day we got together. I even told you that I loved you that same day! Hahaha C: He did! That’s how sure he was. S: Yeah I just knew it, didn’t I baby, I just knew it!

What’s the best date you’ve been on together? C: My favourite was in Monaco. I just remember that being so fun. We were staying in Nice, and we caught the train to Monaco for the night…as you do! It was just very glam, but you’re in Nice and then suddenly ‘Oh we’re just in Monaco for date night' you know?   So yeah it was pretty wow and fun. S: I wouldn’t have thought of that. I was going to say.. C: Mine was a very fancy answer wasn’t it? Makes us sound like globe trotters. S: I was going to say it was when we were in Barcelona haha. C: It's because we lived in Europe for 2 years! S: Mine was the place we went to for your 30th birthday in Barcelona. It was one of Gaudi's famous buildings. We went up to the rooftop to a jazz gig, it was just beautiful.

What is a pet hate or bad habit your partner has? C: Oh, he cracks his knuckles! But he does it on his feet. S: It’s just something I do  at the end of every day. C: Yeah but he does it at home! If you want to do it, you can do it, just don’t do it around me! S: Hmm what does Candy do that annoys me? If she’s got the hiccups it’s really annoying! C: Yeah he gets annoyed. That’s not bad for the worst thing I do. S: Well she just always wants cuddles in the morning. Hahaha yeah all of the time, she just always wants cuddles. That’s a good one, do you reckon? C: Why are you asking me? It doesn't annoy me. S: She’s just always up for cuddles. Sometimes you just want to get up and go.. C: Ok ok, so like on a Saturday morning as a single guy he was use to getting up and I dunno, going to the gym.. S: Just getting stuff done. C: Whereas I would just love to stay in bed for half an hour and cuddle. Haha so it is annoying to him cause his alarms gone off so he has to get up to get ready for work , and I'm always like ‘Oh don’t leave yet’.

What is one of your happiest memories together? C: Mine is our honeymoon. I will never forget it. It was so incredible, we went to the Maldives. S: I was going to say the same thing. It was just such a dream. C: Like we’ve travelled the world and gone to over 20 countries together, and nothing compares to the Maldives. For the first time in your life being alone completely, shutting everyone out and just focusing on the 2 of you and your future together. S: Yeah we will always remember it, it was the best.

SAM_0187

What is one of the hardest things about being married? C: The transition of becoming parents hasn’t been a walk in the park…but for us one of our biggest things in our marriage has been cultural differences. S: Oh yeah, so she’s Aussie, and I’m Zimbabwean. But because I live here in Australia I have naturally adjusted to the Aussie culture over time. But when were are in a Zimbabwean setting my cultural traditions come into play and this makes it hard for Candy as she is not always exposed to it. In the beginning of our relationship it was hard to inform her of everything until the situation arose. So that's caused a fair amount of conflict but over time we have learnt to communicate better. For me also, probably just resolving conflict when you have an argument and it just becomes big, then having to talk it out. It’s just hard because I might want to talk through it, but real quickly to get it sorted. Whereas she will want to just talk it through, see how I got there, what I was thinking. And then theres the verse about ‘don’t let the sun go down on your anger’ and I’ve always been big on that, but then once you’re married its like ‘Oh man we’ve got to talk about this’. So for me that’s probably the hardest thing when you feel like something so small blows up into this big thing. C: I reckon over time we have gotten better at it. Instead of a day and a half going past with anger and short snappy comments and whatever, now we can just resolve it in the moment and literally go ‘cool’ and hug it out and not go back to it. I think it’s definitely a process.

SAM_0212

Have you struggled much in having to deal with things before going to sleep? S: When we don't deal with stuff, we just end up having the worst sleep or waking up at 3am anyway and having to talk about it, or it affects the next day. C: Or I’ll like pretend to kick him like, ‘Is he asleep?’ S: And she hates it because I can easily sleep sometimes and she’s like ‘Oh you just go ahead and fall asleep’. C: Or then he’ll try and make up by coming to hug me and I’ll be like ‘Get off me, I’m not ready.’ S: We have a 'default position', that after a disagreement we should be able to hug and make up. So if we can do that it's all good, but if not it means we still need to work it out. C: Or one of us will be like ‘What happened to default?’ We both know what our default is, but in the anger and in the hard moments it doesn't make it easy.

What’s the best thing about being married? S: I think it’s just that you’ve got someone to share everything with. Your highs, your lows. Sometimes you may think  'I don’t get enough space’ but then if she goes somewhere for a night, I’ll be thinking ‘Oh I'd love to tell Candy about this or that’. It’s just having someone to do life with really, I think that’s the best thing. C: I was going to say both our love languages are quality time, so having someone to do life with. Even if they have a different opinion, I always just want to know his perspective on something. We speak quite a lot throughout the day, just downloading or just to inform that person ‘Guess what?’ or ‘I just saw someone that looked like this person’ ...it's just having a bestie! S: Yeah and she is actually someone that challenges me more than anyone else. She makes me a better person than I would be if I were by myself… C: Nawwww. S: She’s just real, knows what I’m good at, knows what I’m not good at and at the same time, makes me a better person. She also annoys me more than anyone else. Haha because I can just be so real and vulnerable with her, but then she can also do the same with me. So I’ll annoy her the most because I’m just myself when I’m with her. So it’s funny how it’s like good and bad. C: But I think at the end of it the reason why we annoy each other the most is because we can be real, so you feel so safe because you can just be ‘blah’ and know that they’ll just love you regardless. S: Isn’t that right little Zay Zay? (Steve looking at his son Isaiah who’s making a bit of noise) C: He’s also a big highlight I guess, haha.

What are you looking forward to in the future? S: Looking forward to every stage of this little man growing. We’ve always looked forward to having kids and seeing what God’s got for us individually and as a couple. But now with Zay it’s like ‘Wow’ the first time he smiles, the first time he crawls, the first time he goes to school. C: Yeah every milestone.. S: There’s just now so much more to look forward to. C: For me it would be watching God outwork in us as individuals but bringing it together as a family unit. We’re just a lover of people, and we always have been, and even seeing in our little man how much he loves being around people, and being a part of everything is really cool.

SAM_0227

Question from Kai & Sue Mei: What would you both do if you knew you could not fail

Ok if we were to reword it a little..If you could do anything in the world, money wasn’t an issue, what would you do as a couple? C: Hmmm I’m thinking travel. S: That's what I was thinking, but what are we travelling for?. C: Oh, we’d love to be marriage counsellors, but I’d have to study so it’s more just the fact I’d have to go back to the books. S: Well we’ve also talked about doing retreat things for couples later on in life, like having a couples program on a weekend. C: Yeah just growing people. In London and here we've done heaps of courses on marriage and marriage enrichment, and it just adds so much value to your relationship. It’s not easy but it really helps. We just both have a real heart for marriage and what marriage stands for. When you think of divorce and breaking families up, it really is heart breaking for us, and being able to be a part of preventing that would be incredible.

SAM_0153

Question for the next coupe: What do you love most about your partner?

jolovesboots xx