How did you meet? K: Through OCF (Overseas Christian Fellowship) which is very popular amongst obviously the overseas community. Our friend Lynsey is actually the friend who brought us together.
Was there interest from the beginning? S: Tell her, tell her! K: What? S: The whole jazz night thing haha. K: No I... Ok look, I obviously saw her from afar, and there was a jazz night, and my friend Ben knew Sue Mei and so he went to go and take a photo with her. So I was the one taking the photo.. S: I had no idea. Kai later was like 'Do you remember me? I was the one who took your photo.' I was like 'Nup' haha. K: I didn't do that, just for the record. S: Oh you're so shy. Let me tell you the real story he told me. So you took the photo then you went to ask Ben like 'So who's that chick?' So he noticed me but I was clueless about him like 'Oh yeah he's just Kai' and I didn't even know you took the picture until you told me later when we got together. But nothing happened after that though. We both kind of went our different ways, but got connected again through Lynsey who served with Kai at church. Lynsey and I were best friends at Uni so we were hanging out together and she would just praise Kai like 'Oh my goodness Kai's really good and he's so talented and blah blah blah' and I hear all these things about Kai Kai Kai... apparently you heard things about me at church? K: Yeah, but it wasn't like she was setting us up or anything because we both were seeing other people at the time, we just would always hear about each other. S: But eventually we both broke up with the people we were seeing and then it was our final year at Uni. We had known of each other for 3 years now. K: And I was hanging out with Lynsey a lot because of church. S: Yeah so you would follow Lynsey and I to the library and it was just from there that we hung out a lot. K: We hung out a lot! Like literally every day. We did that for maybe half a year, and the 3 of us were really close - we did everything together.
So were there feelings growing during that time? K: Well, it was lots of bantering. S: The first few months there was some sort of attraction, but I think it's because we were hanging out so much. K: Yeah well I thought she was attractive but as I got to know her..there was a big shift and it's like she became... less attractive! S: Hahaha no you know where it all started? We made this stupid bet because we had both got out of relationships and we joked about by the age of 30 if we're both still single we'll just get together. K: But then things really hit the fan. S: It was sort of up then down. K: It was a really bad roller coaster down. S: No, no you skipped so much! K: She remembers all the details.. S: Yeah because I'm a girl. It was weird because we hated each others guts, but still saw each other so much.. K: I think our perception of each other was kind of warped. Your perception of me was I was snobbish or something? S: No you were just really superficial and fake haha. K: There we go. And I thought you couldn't stand up for yourself, I thought you were needy and that sort of thing. S: We didn't hold anything back at all. It was actually really hard for Lynsey because she hated 2 of her closest friends always fighting.
So when did it all change? S: When I went to Sydney to study at LCB Baking School. I was just like 'Yes I'm going to Sydney, away from Kai, I don't have to deal with him any more'. K: I was literally celebrating. I was genuinely happy. Things had got pretty bad between us. S: One time he was egging me on at Max Brenner's, and I was so annoyed I shot him the middle finger! K: Yeah it was right in front of my face I was like...shocked! S: I've never done that to anyone but he just kept going on.. K : I was just like 'No one has ever flipped me the bird like that in the face'. S: Haha but anyway it got better when I went to Sydney. We still kept in contact and talked about Lynsey quite a bit, she was the thing we had in common. K: Yeah we talked quite a bit but we would still get annoyed at each other on the phone all the time...and that's when she dropped that reference of a bucket.. S: Oh yes hahaha we were talking one day and I just said 'Hey Kai, do you know what's the difference between you and a bucket of sh*t?' K: And he was like 'No, what?' S: And I was like 'The bucket!' hahaha. K: I was like 'Woah!' no one has called me a pile of sh*t before! And from there I was like great, see you later. So we didn't talk for a period of time..we went from seeing each other every other day, hanging out, to hating each other, to you going away, and then we stopped. There was space.We were both doing our own thing and then we just kind of reconnected again. So Sydney to me sort of saved our friendship. The friendship was almost toxic in Melbourne. But slowly we just started texting a little bit and then it was all the time. Annoyingly (she get's motion sickness really easily) so I would text saying 'Oh don't text cos you're on the bus' and I was like, hold on, am I starting to care? What is that all about?! S: We started to get to know each other individually. K: Without Lynsey. We always knew each other through Lynsey, and formed a perception of each other through Lynsey. S: It wasn't that Lynsey gave us bad perceptions, we just made our own thoughts and perceptions from what we heard. K: We spent lots of time together when she got back to Melbourne because I was having my gap year, so we developed our friendship even more. S: We started talking a lot more seriously about our relationship, and we were talking about would we consider each other as partners and stuff, so we were just considering. K: Eventually we had to sit Lynsey down to tell her we actually liked each other - it was although we were talking to our parents! She was like 'What's going on, I thought you hated each other?' and then she was just like 'WHAT?' It was a bit of a shock because she didn't know we had been talking for months, she just thought her 2 best friends hated each other and that was it. And then boom, all of a sudden we were together.
So did you have to talk to her parents when you got together? K: Mmmm no not really. So for me, ok look for asian back grounds, we don't really talk relationship stuff with our parents, it's just not something we do. So when we were hanging out a lot and my mum was around I'd tell her 'Oh I'm going to hang out with Sue Mei' and prior to this my mum never talked about previous girlfriends. But with Sue Mei she was like 'Is something going on?' So I was like woah mums actually talking about relationships. Mum was like 'Do you like her?' and I was like 'Maybe' and then she's like 'Look you know what I think, she's a great girl, I think you should go out with her.' So for me it was like, woah...I took that as a sign because my mum has never ever talked to me about relationships before. I kind of made up my mind then, and that sealed the deal for me. So we made it 'official' 1st January 2010 - NYE. And then we got married in September 2012.
What do you love most about each other? S: Your patience..with me. Umm the fact that I know you've got God's wisdom..somehow K: Somehow haha. S: But you're also really understanding and patient with me. And you know me, you know how to handle me. K: Thank God. Haha for her I know it sounds really cliché but she's really caring. She really cares for obviously myself and people around her. She's got very tight and close, life long friends. She's not about making 20,000 friends, she's about making 20 best friends and really caring for them. And she takes care of me really well. I mean you know I don't have to cook so that's like the best thing.
What's a pet hate or bad habit of your partner? K: Oooh, I've got to tread lightly on this one. S: How many have you got? Haha I'm sure I had some but I think I mentioned it to you and then you've changed so it's not there any more. K: I'm just trying to see what's going to get me in the least trouble haha. Well for me it's not a pet hate or anything like that, it's more just communication is very different from how we were brought up, we communicate very differently. S: And my family talks K: Her family talks a lot, like they're always talking. Like I can be with my sister the whole day without talking, and that's communication haha. So yea more just figuring out our communication styles and if we have a disagreement or heated discussion I'll have to let her know that I need time to give a response. If I'm quite she'll think 'That's very rude of you, why aren't you talking and so quiet with me?' I'm someone that needs time to think, if you ask me to talk now I'll end up saying something I regret. S: And I'll be like, why are you so rude? Why can't you answer me I'm talking to you? K: I actually have to tell her 'Give me 10 minutes to let me think about this.' S: Yeah because at the start you didn't tell me until later and I was like 'Just tell me you need time to think then!' Haha well mine, it's not really a pet hate thing it's a real issue. See Kai, I sometimes think that Kai has another...wife...and it's called his phone, or his technology. If it's not his phone it's his laptop, if it's not his laptop its his tablet, if it's not his tablet its his watch! They're all connected too. We've had lots of chats about it but his saving grace is that Ps. Corey Turner had a word for him saying that Kai is like a technology person and he grows with it, so I guess I've just got to deal with it. But I have to tell him 'When I'm talking to you please don't look at your phone, because it just feels like you're disrespecting me.' K: Yeah she's all about politeness and looking me in the eye when I'm talking, that kind of thing. S: Sometimes we will even go to Daylesford and I'm like 'Yes, there's no reception here' and he brings his dongle with him! Yep, there's always reception haha.
What is one of your happiest memories together? S: Oh I know, Europe. K: Oh yeah I think Europe was probably the highlight. It was our 1 year anniversary trip. S: Kai did all the planning. K: Like she just pretty much went for the ride. So yeah, that was probably one of our highlights..well that's where Hayley was conceived as well...so you know. S: Yeah we were counting back trying to figure out....I think it was Budapest haha. K: Yeah so that was at the start and so she was pregnant and we didn't even know. We went to Paris and booked this 3 mischelin star restaurant cos you know, it's Paris, you have to go for it! Obviously it was like so expensive but in the end, she was in the toilet! S: I was so sick! K: She was in there for like 2 hours throwing up. I had double, I was literally eating her portion. But that sort of ruined it because I was having so much food, I was eating everything, I didn't want to waste it!
What's one of the hardest things about being married? K: I think up to the point of getting married, you've always been single and human nature is you're very selfish, so you always think about yourself first. So after you get married it becomes more about the other person than yourself, it's a big change. So getting use to that and really working on how we communicate with each other. S: Mine would be different family culture. Because you think you know someone, and then you get married and there's all these other things, and they're like that because of how they were brought up. It's not good or bad it's just different. And then it's working through that to a point where it's like 'Ok do I accept that bit, or are we going to talk about it and should we change that? It's just finding out more about each other and it's funny because you think you know everything about the other person and you actually don't.
What's the best thing about being married? S: That there's always someone there. K: Yeah, well we weren't created to be alone when God created us, so you know after a long day you just come home and it feels great. We don't have to be talking but it just feels great to know that someone is there with you. S: But it's someone that is dependable. Like you know he will always be there regardless. K: Like she'll be the first person I turn to for anything. S: Really? K: Haha. S: Not your phone? Haha
What are you looking forward to in the future? K: Probably seeing our family and Hayley grow up. S: We are very family life oriented. K: The thing is both of us like being at home all the time. Like as soon as I finish work I want to come home and chill and play with Hayley cos I haven't seen her for like 9 hours kind of thing, so that's life now. S: We like the home life, but then we also like catching up with people and having people over. And we like the intimate kind of stuff like just have 1 couple, 2 couples max rather than having like 30 people and not being able to actually talk. K: So future, I don't know, I mean kids and being in ministry... I think we're just in a really good place in life at the moment. I mean everything is going well, second pregnancy is going really well, Hayley is growing up, it's just amazing how she picks things up. So what future holds I don't know I guess 2 kids... S: I wanted 4. K: But if you asked her in the 1st trimester she would have said no because that was hell, literally that was terrible. I'm glad though that she knows her calling in life is to be at home and to be a great mum and raise kids and stuff like that. For me, I want to be there for Hayley, and if I needed to give up my job I would. I want to take her out on dates and show her how men should treat a girl. So I think for me I don't care about climbing corporate ladders, it's more about focusing on the kids and that's what we're looking forward to in the future.
What is your partners love language? K: Hers is words of affirmation...right? S: Yeah it is, but somehow I don't think it is, but anyway. K: I would say for her just in general words are very important. If you say something, she takes it as that and expects you to do it. She doesn't like rudeness or anything so if Haylely's cracking it she will be like 'Stop being so rude Hayley' or if I'm saying something that I didn't put in effort, she thinks I'm being rude. So words in general are very important to her. S: Yours is quality time. Oh and gifts...was it gifts? Very expensive gifts haha. You like the element of surprise. K: Yeah so I still remember this one time I was really into cars, and I wanted to replace the steering wheel that I had. I was scouring the internet looking for it everywhere but couldn't find it, and I talked to my best friend so he knew what I wanted. Then Sue Mei touched base and she surprised me with the steering wheel. But it wasn't about the present, it was about the fact that she went all out to find out what I wanted and she managed to get it and surprise me. I was so amazed that she did that. No wait, is that more acts of service? Yeah! So it's the whole effort behind it.
Question from Don & Angie: Have you both sat down and talked about what your marriage will look like in 20-30years time? S: Haha I don't think we have? K: Hmmmm no we haven't really talked about that. S: I dunno. I don't really sit down and think about it. You know how some people sit down and are like 'So what's your 5 year plan?' I've never really had that. I think at the back of my mind it was always because I knew if God wanted it to change it would just change. K: I mean yeah up to this point the way our relationship has blossomed it's always been a God thing, even the fact that we hated each other, but we're still here. God has always provided so I feel like the plans we make are not really comparable anyway. It's not like we don't want to, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail and that sort of thing, but we both know that we want kids, and we've got the same ideology of how we want to bring kids up. For me this is like heaven, this is bliss with Hayley running around and just being there. I've got no dreams about corporate ladders because I've seen greed, money and what the lust for money can do. Like I've seen my dad and that's all he thought about. Being the top, being the best, earning the most money you know, I've seen the flip side of getting older and I don't ever want to be in that position where you're so rich yet you're so poor in relationships with others. I'd rather be poor and at least I have family around and I'm rich that way.
Question for next couple: What would you do if you knew you could not fail?